I fell out of love with writing, too (and other updates)

I come back to this blog with my tail between my legs. It’s been a while.

I’ll start by saying that this year has been rough. In 2016, I began a new relationship, which I learned this year is terrifying for me due the weight of my past experiences (not because my partner isn’t the greatest thing ever, because he is). I met my birth mom for the first time in my 26-year-long life. I quit pole for almost 6 months, simply because I let myself get too serious, too quickly. I came face-to-face with the amount of privilege and ignorance I possess as I trained to become a crisis line counselor (okay, more on that in another post, because that’s actually awesome – but, yes, the confronting stuff part was hard). I’ve had difficulty at work. I’ve had to quit social media due to the amount of stress it causes me. I’ve had family issues. I’ve sharply questioned my future and my career path. I’ve battled with mental illness more so than I have in other years. Most oddly – and, in a way, most devastatingly – I started to hate writing.

Yeah, me. And yeah, “hate”.

I went back to working on the novel I wrote last November for NaNoWriMo over this past summer. Around the same time, I also started a new blog, one that would be solely centered around confidence issues. Although both projects were meaningful to me, I went in with them without thinking things through and watched my interest level crash and burn – nay, incinerate. I started to re-read my work, cringing at everything from my use of adverbs ad nauseum to my obnoxious white-girl fillers. My creativity became clouded. My motivation was shot. Worst of all, I realized that I was writing about a topic (confidence) that I myself was shaky on and I didn’t feel like being a fraud any longer. Moreover, I realized that my novel was one that required extensive research and reworking before it would be fit for public consumption. While this isn’t necessarily a bad thing, I felt like I needed to take a huuuuuge step back before I began these arduous processes.

And now, here I am. I haven’t written a word to the public for months. Who’d have expected that?

Overall, I realized this year that writing wasn’t and isn’t going to be my way of making a life for myself. To make a living writing, I would have to become passionate about online journalism or blogging with a business edge and…sorry, but I’m just not. I could also, in an ideal world, become a best-selling novelist, but I don’t think I’m cut out for that either. I like to write about whatever the hell I want with no negotiation or pressure. For so long, I tried to delude myself into thinking I was different, but I’m not. I’m not a selfish person, but I’m a really selfish writer. I want to dedicate my life to helping people, but writing is NOT how I’m going to do that.

In case anyone’s curious about what all of this means, here are some conclusive takeaways for ya:

NoBuilding Your Bold will not continue. I’ll be frank with you: I am not a confident person in many aspects of my life. I certainly can’t call myself an expert on it. (Note: I’ll have an announcement on that blog about my leaving but will keep the non-tragic articles on there).

However, Infinite Corners WILL. I still plan to come here to write about my travels, favorite sociological phenomena, political things, and life updates. Some people have said that I entertain them, so I’ll remain on the internet for them. As for how often I will post, I have no idea, but will try and do SOMETHING monthly.

Yes, I will still work on and eventually publish my novel. I just might be in my 40s when I do it. Or maybe my 100s. Who knows.

Yes, I am still happy to write or edit for people who specifically ask me for writing help. I acknowledge that I have a talent for writing and I won’t waste that completely. If you need writing-related help, my services are 100% free.

Yes, I am still staying off social media for a while. I don’t currently have a Facebook and I rarely use Twitter and Instagram. This has been helpful for me and I don’t see that changing anytime soon.

Yes, I still have a lot of exciting things in the works, especially related to my career. I won’t talk about these now, but expect a much sunnier post in a few months.

Lastly, yes – returning to pole is my New Year’s Resolution. I don’t usually do those, but I think going back to pole classes is a worthy and achievable one.

This post isn’t meant to be a downer, though I acknowledge that it has some elements of downerism. Please know that if you’re bummed out, I can bake you cookies and sing you entertaining songs rich with scatalogical humor as condolence.

Happy holidays to all and I look forward to speaking to everyone through the magic of the internet again soon.

Kind regards,

H

Changes Happening at IC + A New Blog!

Here’s the thing. IC started out chiefly as a travel blog. Light-as-a-feather, carefree, newly-graduated Haley anticipated having all the time in the world to travel back in 2013. And if she didn’t get to travel far, she’d still spend every weekend heading to a new place or finding a new adventure to write home about. So she thought, at least. Because this is what a lot of 23-year-olds think for a while.

Alright, enough third person.

Now, of course, life took some turns that, while awesome for my overall development and mental health, prevented me from having as much vacation time or money as I thought I would at this point. While I still get to travel an incredible amount (comparatively speaking), I am now in a position where I only get 2 weeks a year to actually take off and travel. What little time I had before (5 weeks, for anyone curious) has now become relatively miniscule.

I also noticed that my “off-travel-topic” posts, ranging from mental illness manifestos to interviews with Youtube-stars-in-the-making, kind of ran the gamut. And boy, was that a random gamut. However, I also noticed that a lot of my best posts had to do with confidence, insecurity, and anxiety.

So what did I do? Well, I started a new blog for those things called Building Your Bold.

BYB (as I like to shorten it) is all about confidence, insecurity, anxiety, and everything related to those things. It’ll be a weekly+ feature blog with new posts every Sunday or Monday and occasionally Thursday. In other words, it has that one key thing that IC has always been missing: consistency.

I feel confident (pun intended) that I can write something fresh and new about these topics every week, so I am choosing to do that with Building Your Bold. Moreover, many of the IC entries under those topics will eventually be moved over to BYB.

So where does this leave IC, you ask?

Well, first of all, IC ain’t goin’ nowhere. There is too much good material already on here to let it fold. Moreover, I will forever and always continue to blog about my travels here, even if I only go on 1-2 trips a year. Even if none of you guys read it, this is my “public diary” for some of the highlights of my life, so that it will remain.

To keep the blog going for the rest of the year, I will also try to be more diligent about writing about my local LA adventures. Given that I live in one of the most vibrant, entertaining, and overall poppin’ cities in the U.S., I don’t see why I can’t come up with at least one good entry a month–even if I’m not oozing wealth or free time out of my pores.

What to expect from IC moving forward

My goal for IC right now will be one well-done entry per month about LA living or general travel, unless I actually go on a trip. If I go on a trip, I will always have at least a few entries related to it. All of my entries moving forward will be complete with awesome pics and good stories, as they were with the Australia trip.

Anything related to the topics in the “Life Stuff” category on this blog will eventually be moved to Building Your Bold and from here on out, that blog is where I’ll publish anything related to those topics (which, again, are things like confidence, insecurity, relationships, anxiety, etc.)

Obviously, my primary goal with IC is to provide meaningful, entertaining information to you wonderful readers, so hopefully these changes do not impact your interest in this blog. Moreover, I hope that you do end up checking out Building Your Bold and reading the entries there each week. My written body of work is always evolving and I will always keep you all in the loop. Thank you for always being incredible–without you guys, I’d be nowhere.

Sincerely,

Haley

p.s. I know it’s kind of late in the game to say this, but…Happy 4th! Eat plenty of patriotic red, white, and blue for me. My stomach can only hold about 15-20 but my heart yearns for more.