A Therapist’s Guide to Supporting People Exiting MLMs
“How would you like to pursue entrepreneurship?”
"Enter my contest for a FREE pamper session!”
“Hey girl, what's your current skincare routine? I just tried this product...”
If the above phrases just triggered the hairs on the back of your neck, you’re probably well-versed in the world of multi-level marketing, or MLMs.
As a quick aside to those unfamiliar, MLMs are those businesses that your aunt, your coworker, and your high school friend have been suspiciously present in your DMs about. Think LuLaRoe, Mary Kay, or Young Living. These businesses involve the sale of a product or service where the salesforce is incentivized to recruit, as they in turn earn money on recruits' sales. Most MLMers are female (around 60%), though groups such as Primerica and Herbalife seem to have plenty of men involved.
The problem with most of these companies is that, reportedly, less than 1% of MLM participants actually profit from these endeavors, with the majority of earnings coming in for early adopters and those at the top. Recruiters will go through great lengths to make promises to those who join their team, only to become dismissive of those who renege. For many, this results in not only financial loss, but community loss when they finally do decide to make their exit.
While my own experience with MLMs is limited, I have countless friends and family members who have been harmed by groups like these, both financially and emotionally. As both an accountant and a therapist, my unique skill set has primed me for a special interest in these omnipresent but often harmful companies. My goal is never to judge those who become involved in MLMs. Rather, I want all of us to be empowered to help exiters heal, grow, and find alternatives for self-sustenance and/or community care.
Here are some of my ideas for helping these exiters (or almost-exiters) below, based on personal experience and speaking to folks who’ve been in MLMs previously.
Avoid the “I told you so”s
Honestly, nobody you will ever meet hates hearing “I tOlD yOu So!!!1” more than I do, so I would recommend this regardless of the situation. Those who are in the midst of leaving an MLM are often especially vulnerable, and this language amounts kicking them while they’re down. Listen: they already know they didn’t make the greatest decision. Even if they’re thinking of joining a different MLM and you’re worried, stick to the facts—income disclosures are your friend here—and avoid admonishment.
Offer household or job-related help
A person leaving an MLM may be in dire financial straits, or at least be in the market for an actually-sustainable job now that the MLM is no longer going to take as much of their time. Offering house help, babysitting, or even resume reviewing to someone who is in their MLM leaving journey can make a world of difference. Who knows, you may even be able to offer them a job!
Invite them out
It’s not uncommon for MLM exiters to become isolated from their support circle while becoming invested in their MLM, especially when such groups have frequent “coaching calls” or encourage the MLMer to spend their free time marketing and recruiting. Additionally, many MLMers lose friendships or mar family relationships during their recruitment attempts, so a person leaving may be struggling to figure out how to have their “old life” back. Inviting an MLM exiter to lunch or to your next game night might make an enormous difference in reminding them that they do indeed have community outside of the MLM.
A caveat here: if you feel wronged or otherwise negatively affected by the exiter’s MLM involvement, you are by no means obligated to take this step. However, if you desire mutual understanding or relationship restoration with the person, a one-on-one phone call or coffee with them might be a good next step for repair.
Above all, encourage autonomy
The hardest part about all of this is the basic understanding that, as adults, we are all autonomous humans who are responsible for our own decisions. This means that nobody, and I mean nobody, can make someone leave or stay out of an MLM. Leaving is a decision that has to be made by the exiter, and attempts to scold someone out of joining or into leaving are usually disastrous.
So if you make your most valiant efforts to convince your friend to stay clear of MLMs and their ilk, but they still continue to join them, that is not your responsibility. Your only responsibility is to be respectful and set boundaries for your relationship.
Anyway, the one last thing I’ll mention here is somewhat of a shameless plug: I wrote my graduate thesis on the harms of MLMs. I used many of the same sources I used for that paper here, so if the links to anything no longer work, please do let me know. As a bonus, the anime Überdorks among us may notice that I gave all of my research participants pseudonyms from HunterXHunter.
Let me know if you have any additional thoughts on this subject in the comments below. And as always, be well and care for yourself. Always remember that you deserve it—even if you’re one of the people who tried to invite me to a Pure Romance party back in the day.
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About the author: Haley O’Bryan (she/they) is a queer, neurodivergent, animal-obsessed therapist who is just starting to love writing again. She is passionate about working with queer, polyam, and neurodivergent folks, and is also becoming increasingly involved in immigrant rights work. She is the proud mother of one cat daughter and five plant children and will have you know that the plant children stress her out way more. She lives and loves in Long Beach, CA.